


Fandom Fairy Godmother

by Stironstep



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Attempt at Humor, Baker Yamaguchi Tadashi, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fansites, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, Internet, Kenma Can Hack, Kindergarten Teacher Sugawara Koushi, Multi, Not Beta Read, POV Outsider, Police Officer Sawamura Daichi, Pro Volleyball Player Hinata Shouyou, Pro Volleyball Player Kageyama Tobio, Pro Volleyball Player Oikawa Tooru, Social Media, Sports Medic Iwaizumi Hajime, Toxic Fangirls, What's proofreading?, chatfic, power curry is a service ace, rated because of swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-02-22 15:01:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22517956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stironstep/pseuds/Stironstep
Summary: Chat forums are real and they can be extremely... interesting. Follow the story of these fans who are trying to pry into the secret lives of professional volleyball players, for better or for worse. There is also the magical Fandom Fairy Godmother who is the creator of all these chat forums. She lurks and banishes thots from existence. But who is she really?(In summary: This fic? Very Gay, Lots of Crack, Bokuto's Chaotic B-day Party and More. Thank you for coming to my TED-Talk.)
Relationships: Barely tho, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Kyoutani Kentarou/Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 44
Kudos: 216





	1. you say "kage" i say "hina"!

**Author's Note:**

> This work is inspired by [Chaotic Neutral by modoribashi](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22381906)  
> Please check out their work, it's frankly hilarious! Of course, after reading mine. I recommend listening to the Mii theme song while reading this or you could always listen to [my absolute favorite](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0). Anyways, happy reading! (lol)  
> -Happy

**OP: kags_gf_official_uwu**

**Subject: da prfect mann**

omg kageeyam a tobio isd th e best thi ng to evr happn on earth!!! i just wanna kidnapp him an keep him 4 myself!1 i loovee himm!! notise me senpaiii TWT plss luv meeee!!!

1> Anonymous 

god, i threw up in my mouth just reading that

3> Anonymous

did you lose brain cells as well? i sure did

4> fan-unicorn

@kags_gf_offical_uwu pls respect kageyama-san’s privacy. it’s concerning that you would even think about ‘kidnapping’ him.

5> kold aid

lol @fan-unicorn this is a troll account, calm your tits

7> kags_gf_official_uwu

wahhh?? im not a trol!! the luv i hav e 4 mai kags chan is reel!! y cant anyboddy see dat??? and im not actualy gona kiddnap senpaii!! (wel l, not yet owo)

9> kold aid

this girl is one hell of a creepy hoe

11> Anonymous

honestly Kageyama-san doesnt deserve all of this disrespect

12> Anonymous

st8 facts rite there ^^^

14> crap ramen is my life

if kags actually knew what kinds of yanderes like this were lurking in his fansites he’d be much more willing to show his irl gf on his streams

16> kags_gf_official_uwu

@crap ramen is my life ????? whatdo u meen???/ im kags chans only gf!!

17> Anonymous

oh honey….

18> crap ramen is my life

@kags_gf_official_uwu yknow. on some of kags’s livestreams a girl w/ orange hair brings him food and stuff

19> puzzle potato

@crap ramen is my life How do we know it’s a girl though?

20> fan-unicorn

and the ‘gf’ has a similar colored hair to Hinata Shouyou. hmmmm i smell something gayyy

22> crap ramen is my life

@puzzle potato @fan-unicorn good point guys. ya never know

23> kags_gf_official_uwu

NO NO NO NO!! my kags chan isn’t GAy!! hes perfect!!!!

24> Anonymous

@kags_gf_official_uwu ur saying that gay people are flawed? i mean, everyone’s flawed, but like,,, gay ppl specifically?

26> kags_gf_official_uwu

of course!1

27> fan-unicorn

@kags_gf_official_uwu ohhhh he wouldnt be too happy hearing that

28> kags_gf_official_uwu

@fan-unicorn ??? why???

30> fan-unicorn

@kags_gf_official_uwu he supports the gays you dummy

32> crap ramen is my life

yea seen the paparazzi photos of him at an american pride?

33> kags_gf_official_uwu

@crap ramen is my life dat doesnt proove hes GAY tho!!!!1

37> kold aid

@kags_gf_official_uwu But it does prove he’s at least an ally or smth.

38> kags_gf_official_uwu

and i be t da gril who brings him foood is like……… his siter or somtig!!

39> puzzle potato

Ugh. @kags_gf_official_uwu, please learn actual Japanese before typing anything else. I beg of you. 

41> kags_gf_official_uwu

(ฺ◣д◢)ฺ(ฺ◣д◢)ฺ(ฺ◣д◢)ฺ(ฺ◣д◢)ฺ(ฺ◣д◢)ฺ SHUT UPPPP!1!1!!111!1!!!

42> puzzle potato

They say there’re no atheists in foxholes, but really, there are no atheists in Kageyama Tobio: The Chat. 

44> fan-unicorn

@puzzle potato good one lol

45> Y M C A

im gonna do it

47> kold aid

You mean… Mom ™ ??

48> Y M C A

@ kold aid yep. here goes: i sumon thee fandom fairy godmother to banish the thots that plague our fan chats and destroy our gay ships.

49> kags_gf_official_uwu

you guyzz r jus t jelous dat kags chan like s me

50> crap ramen is my life

ok 

  1. @kags_gf_official_uwu stfu you homophobic thot



and 

  1. u wont be saying that when Mom comes in.



51> Fandom Fairy Godmother

alright, gimme a sec to read the receipts. ur godmother’s here babies!

53> fan-unicorn

damn that was quick im not complaining tho

54> Fandom Fairy Godmother

OH MY GOD THANK YOU FOR SUMMONING ME (btw who was it??)

56> Y M C A

meee

58> Fandom Fairy Godmother

thank god youre one of mine

59> Fandom Fairy Godmother

aaaand… there!

**kags_gf_official_uwu** has been blocked from entering **Kageyama Tobio: The Chat**

61> fan-unicorn

my crops are watered my skin is cleared and depression & anxiety? don’t know her

62> kold aid

BEST. MOM. EVER. ILYSM. THANK YOU.

63> Anonymous

who is this wonderful being on the internet who helps banish the thots???

64> Anonymous

yeah can i get ur number? like,,, godbless

69> Fandom Fairy Godmother

awww, thanks anon. due to some legal issues i can’t disclose my real name or face to the public, but im the admin/creator of this chat, the most hardcore Kagehina shipper in the literal universe and already taken. srry @Anonymous #64 i have two boyfriends who're rlly angry and dumb and i love them with all my heart!

70> crap ramen is my life

Mom ™ is the only reason this is the most popular fan chat for kagayama-san and is the only name ill ever capitalize

71> puzzle potato

Mom has also created the most popular Hinata Shouyou chat, most popular Kagehina chat, Oikawa x Secret BF chat, and etc. 

73> Y M C A

a true legend. mom’s the fan chat version of vira

76> Anonymous

like the artist? who gets commissioned? by actual creators?

78> kold aid

thats the one

79> Fandom Fairy Godmother

oh babies… you have so much to learn… i am much better than vira

80> Fandom Fairy Godmother

and remember… power curry is a service ace. bye <3

**Fandom Fairy Godmother** has logged off **Kageyama Tobio: The Chat**

84> puzzle potato

Quick! Log on to the Oikawa x Secret BF chat!

87> Anonymous

why??

88> fan-unicorn

thats the one that Mom ™ lurks/posts/is on the most

89> crap ramen is my life

to be fair, Oikawa X his secret bf is the gayest ship everrr

92> Y M C A

and if you dig deep enough, there are theories on why Mom ™ is there so often

93> kold aid

r u thinking what im thinking??

94> crap ramen is my life

babe,,, we’ve been thinking that from the beginning


	2. the private lives of ex volleyball players and pros

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo second chapter!!  
> fun fact: if you're a gaylord and say YASS QUEEN but also like haikyuu, consider Fukuro-YASS-QUEEN  
> heh. anyway im sick and congested. here's a key in order of appearance.
> 
> Iwaizumi: Iwaizumi  
> trashking: Oikawa  
> good one: Sugawara  
> cat hoe: Kuroo  
> owl thot: Bokuto  
> tired crow dad: Daichi  
> chibi: Hinata  
> tobio: Kageyama  
> video game bitch: Kenma  
> owl thot trainer: Akaashi
> 
> lmao im proud of my names. enjoy :D -Happy  
> 

**Iwaizumi** created a chat

**Iwaizumi** named the chat  **shittykawa’s weird side job**

**Iwaizumi** added  **trashking** and  **8** others to  **shittykawa’s weird side job**

**trashking** : IWA-CHAN!!! you said you weren’t gonna tell people!!! :’(

**Iwaizumi** : okay google, is it possible to strangle people over text?

**good one** : um

**good one** : the chat name sounds a bit… 

**cat hoe** : ominous?

**owl thot** : maybe… perverted? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Iwaizumi** : he’s not a stripper

**cat hoe** : damn

**tired crow dad** : uh who picked these names?

**chibi** : YEAH!!! i dont like mine!!

**tobio** : I don’t understand the issue. All the names are perfectly fitting.

**owl thot** : tobio!! how could you hurt us like this??? you scoundrel! 

**chibi** : dumbass! im not a chibi!! 

**tobio** : Hey, who’s the little spoon?

**good one** : i didn’t really need to know that about you guys.

**tired crow dad** : suga youre the only one who hasn’t given up on them yet

**trashking** : iwa chan made the chat so im assuming he picked the names

**trashking** : btw why did you name them after our high school days?

**Iwaizumi** : a) i did b) fcking nostalgia and c) where’s kenma and akaashhi?

**video game bitch** : here. ive just been lurking.

**owl thot trainer** : really, Iwaizumi? i don’t ‘train’ bokuto.

**cat hoe** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) *anymore

**trashking** : hey did you know that daichi has a tramp stamp????

**tired crow dad** : HEY

**tired crow dad** : I WAS DRUNK

**tired crow dad** : AND SUGA SAID OKAY

**good one** : babe,,, i was also drunk

**Iwazumi** : trashykawa, stop trying to change the topic. we’re here to discuss your stupidass side job

**trashking** :  (◔◡◔✿)

**chibi** : is this about the chat forums????

**tobio** : ?

**Iwaizumi** : @chibi exactly

**Iwaizumi** : Oikawa Tooru. For the last time: DON’T. ENCOURAGE. THE. FANGIRLS.

**trashking** :  (◔◡◔✿)

**good one** : i want to say something

**trashking** : go ahead suga-chan!!

**good one** : I will find you, and I will kill you.

**tired crow dad** : everyone, my boyfriend.

**cat hoe** : yas qween

**tobio** : I still don’t get what Oikawa-san’s side job is.

**chibi** : so great king has been going on chat forums and talking to the fangirls. he’s created multiple ‘ship’ forums and goes by the Fandom Fairy Godmother

**tobio** : How does this relate to me, Shouyou?

**chibi** : there’s a forum made for you

**chibi** : and recently great king banished a girl named kags_gf_official from the chat bc she said shed kidnap u and stuff

**chibi** : everyone on there was like “WHOA!! TY Mom ™ !!!” 

**trashking** : how do you know this, chibi-chan? 

**cat** **hoe:** the real question is how does he have so much time to be both a professional volleyball player and a fansite Mom?

**chibi** : bokuto san told me he was on there when it happened.

**owl thot** : i can neither confirm nor deny

**owl thot trainer** : koutarou

**owl thot** : YES OKAY?? I WAS AN ANON!! I LIKE DRAMA DONT KINKSHAME ME!! 

**video game bitch** : modern problems require modern solutions

**tobio** : I just went on a fan forum called ‘Bokuto Koutarou: The Chat’ and… I found some things.

**owl thot** : oya oya?

**cat hoe** : oya oya oya?

**owl thot** : links? screenshots??

**tobio** : Okay… [a link has been sent]

**tired crow dad** : im scared

**good one** : don’t click it

**cat hoe** : OML I CLICKED IT

**cat hoe** : ITS PORN

**cat hoe** : ITS ALL FCKING PORN

**cat hoe** : WHY DID I CLICK IT??

**Iwaizumi** : karma hoe

**good one** : theres some bleach underneath my sink

**good one** : you want some?

**cat hoe** : YES PLEASEEEE

**video game bitch** : is it just me, or is suga giving out some serial killer vibes?

**chibi** : hi kenma!! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

**video game bitch** : hi shouyou :)

**owl thot trainer** : don’t mess with suga

**owl thot trainer** : he will dig out his teaching degree and give you some nasty paper cuts while singing africa

**good one** : aww, thanks akaashi :))))

**tired crow dad** : im gonna go clean the dishes i promised to do last week bye everyone

**tired crow dad** has logged off

**good one** : exCUSE ME??? 

**good one** : you said you did them!!!

**good one** has logged off

**cat hoe** : oof

**Iwaizumi** : why did i think this would be a normal discussion

**trashking** : idk babe

**trashking** : you’re strong and stupid but i love you

**Iwaizumi** : …

**Iwaizumi** : <3

  
**owl thot** : i ship it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ye. did you have fun? check us (more me) on our tumblr. and make sure to give this fic kudos and comments bc i like them, and stironstep has the email so all the notifications go to them. im evil i know. go spam my friend. -Happy :D


	3. oikawa's secret bf vs op's secret bf. who will win??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sooo just ignore that this whole fic plays out like how we all wish the internet works. wholesome and minimal drama. oh, and no homophobia. i just like fluffy crack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like to think oikawa's secret bf vs op's secret bf became a meme for an epic showdown after this. whatever. just a thought. i think ive mentioned im sick so... y'all get double updates!! Yay. have fun :DDD

**Oikawa x Secret BF: The Chat**

**OP: god-of-destruction**

**Subject: im here to spill some tea, ready?**

  1. oikawa’s bf is shorter than him
  2. oikawa is a bottom
  3. oikawa and his bf are high school sweethearts
  4. his bf has a degree in sports med
  5. his bf used to play volleyball with him setter x spiker relationship
  6. they live together and own a cat called mochi
  7. oikawa is lowkey highkey allergic to cats and therefore mochi
  8. oikawa calls his bf (---)-chan
  9. his bf can cook kinda well but surprisingly oikawa can cook better
  10. my bf’s better



and that’s all the tea im allowed to spill on legal terms

1> Y M C A

damn. op’s a boss

2> Anonymous

i accept all of this as 100% real and Canon

5> Anonymous

THIS CAN’T BE REAL!! i refuse to accept that oikawa can cook

7> Anonymous

@5 Anonymous but him and his bf getting a cat even tho he’s allergic is soooo effing plausible

8> fan-unicorn

whos here to find out if Mom ™ will reply??

9> Anonymous

*raises hand*

11> Anonymous

hell yes

12> puzzle potato

You read my mind.

15> Anonymous

definitely @fan-unicorn

16> crap ramen is my life

LOLOLOLOL oikawa’s a boTTOM

18> Anonymous

if this is a joke i will backflip off of tokyo tower

20> im his secret bf

this is false news

21> Anonmyous

omg another one???!!! i didn’t sign up for this

23> im his secret bf

chill, im joking. id love to be his secret bf but im not

25> kold aid

i- i have so many questions

26> puzzle potato

Such as?

30> kold aid

who is this person, where did they get their information, and wtf is going on with all the links to genderbent oikawa fanart???

33> fan-unicorn

i bet this person is so badass in rl

34> god-of-destruction

im not but go off i guess

37> Anonymous

oooohhh low self esteem squad rise up…

38> Anonymous

lol anxiety 

41> Anonymous

NOOOO!!! @god-of-destruction you’re amazing honey!! do u need cookies?? (::) (::) (::)

42> god-of-destruction

um im good thanks

48> Anonymous

op’s real cute when they’re embarrassed

53> Anonymous

too bad they’re taken

55> Y M C A

i dont believe that op’s bf is better than oikawa san’s bf cuz Mr secret seems like the ultimate dream dude.

56> fan-unicorn

@OP tell us about your bf so that we can compare!!!

59> god-of-destruction

im prolly super biased but ok here goes:

62> god-of-destruction

why my bf is the best bf ever, a list

  1. he has the most obnoxious laugh that he only uses when he really thinks something is funny and its usually bc of me
  2. i get cold rlly easily and when i do i get massive amounts of clothes that smell like him tossed in my direction, its great
  3. he vacuums and cleans our apartment
  4. he has a preference for blonds/ long hair and when i dyed my hair/grew it out he said it didn’t matter if **i** was blond cuz he just likes _me_
  5. im an insecure piece of trash and he gives universe-forgetting cuddles
  6. he said ily first
  7. he buys me video games all the time before i ask for them
  8. he’s handsome
  9. nose kisses ™ 
  10. he doesn’t get jealous of other people (but cats are a different story)



64> Anonymous

it’s official u guys, op’s bf is better

66> kold aid

this relationship between a setter and a spiker is so intimate, it’s completely unbroken. and oikawa x secret bf were high school sweethearts sooooo

69> god-of-destruction

my bf and i are childhood best friends

72> crap ramen is my life

@op lol 69

73> Anonymous

@crap ramen is my life up top dude

74> crap ramen is my life

hell yeah

79> kold aid

but rlly… what’s with all the fricking oikawa genderbend????

83> Anonymous

@kold aid oikawa is hot + lesbians think girls are hot = lesbians who can draw, draw hot girl oikawa for lesbians who can’t draw and think oikawa would be more attractive as a woman

85> Anonymous

can confirm as a lesbian who thinks that and can’t draw!!!

86> Anonymous

but who here ships bokuto x himself??

88> fan-unicorn

lmaooooo YES

89> Anonymous

who’s bokuto?

90> god-of-destruction

he’s another pro volleyball player with hair like an owl’s

93> god-of-destruction

here’s his chaotic insta & snap

insta: @gReAt_hOrNeD_OwLLL

snap: @mrOYAOYA

95> Y M C A

yoyoyoyoyoyo there are rumors of bokuto being on these forums!

99> Anonymous

honestly i didn’t expect all these athletes to be so drama craved dont they have enough to do??

101> god-of-destruction

just click on an oikawa best moments comp. you’ll find he’s addicted to drama

102> puzzle potato

You tell them, OP!

107> god-of-destruction

k before i log off kagehina is canon

**god-of-destruction** has logged off of **Oikawa X Secret BF: The Chat**

109> Anonymous

mmmmm…… op knew a helluva lot abt oikawa’s secret bf sooo… maybe their final statement is true?

111> puzzle potato

I kind of want to see if Mom ™ has seen this…

113> Fandom Fairy Godmother

hi babies! (◕ᴗ◕✿)

118> crap ramen is my life

What. The. hECC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (damn, my chaps are getting shorter and shorter. at least im having fun. are you guys having fun reading this shitpost? hope you are!) who do you think is god-of-destruction? i think i made it rlly obvious. and who's the better boyfriend? oooh, conflict. have a nice day/night/or if u live in Night Vale time doesn't work but that's okay! -Happy


	4. planning op's friend's birthday party. let's do this... with minimum broken laws

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how many updates will i do today?? lol prolly just these three. Enjoy!! -Happy :D

Bokuto Koutarou: The Chat

**OP: Fandom Fairy Godmother**

**Subject: how to throw a surprise birthday party better than the last**

hey babies! im having a bit of an issue… since i need to throw a bday party for the most chaotic person i know i thought: “why don’t i ask the people on the most chaotic chat ive created so far?” i know you won’t disappoint! (◠‿◠✿)

1> Anonymous

start off with telling us how chaotic the last one was so that we know what the criteria is!!

2> the cia

hi Mom ™. 

4> Fandom Fairy Godmother

@1 Anonymous Sure! 

so basically, a couple others and i went to his apartment and shoved my friend into a potato sack. we then carried him to one of my boyfriends' bar who had cleared the whole place out for us. we had a disco, four arcade boxes (we know someone), and our friend as dj blasting the mii theme for two hours. a friend of a friend owns a bakery and had a rainbow cake made for him for thirty percent off! we got him drunk and he and his boyfriend didn’t contact us for three days after that.

5> Anonymous

I feel like you are a. insanely rich and b. insanely insane

6> Fandom Fairy Godmother

thanks hon!

8> fan-unicorn

it’s crazy how Mom ™ knows so many people.

11> Anonymous

how about a stripper this time?

12> Fandom Fairy Godmother

Yes!! he’ll like that.

14> the cia

no.

18> Fandom Fairy Godmother

@the cia What about just a pole dancer?

19> the cia

fine. ≖_≖ but im watching u. 

21> puzzle potato

And get the most attractive person in your friend group to do it. Of course, with consent.

23> Fandom Fairy Godmother

@puzzle potato yesss. good thinking! I have a few options. a lot of my friends are tall dark and handsome, but I have a nice salty blond… you guys choose! if we can’t decide, ill just put his bf in.

25> Anonymous

gayyyy

26> crap ramen is my life

i like a salty blond. are they confident tho??

28> Fandom Fairy Godmother

@crap ramen is my life weeelll he once sent the group chat a picture of himself with two black eyes in the hospital captioned: “i lived bitch” soooo

31> crap ramen is my life

I VOTE THE SALTY BLOND

32> Anonymous

lol same

35> Fandom Fairy Godmother

but then there’s also that one friend i have who’s a cop and has a tramp stamp….

37> Y M C A

decisions, decisions.

38> Anonymous

@Fandom Fairy Godmother ANYONE WITH A FCKING TRAMP STAMP IMMEDIATELY QUALIFIES AS A POLE DANCER. THATS MY PHILOSOPHY. 

42> Anonymous

got any cheeky friends that would gladly do it?? pole dancing, not stripping.

43> Fandom Fairy Godmother

OMG! i just forgot that one friend i have who’s a dancer and did this one thing this one time.

45> crap ramen is my life

links?

48> Fandom Fairy Godmother

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYk9zZ549h0 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYk9zZ549h0)

  
  


50> Anonymous

HOT DAMNNNN BOIIII

53> Anonymous

tHIS. THIS IS THE ONE. MOM ™ HIRE HIIIMMM.

55> Fandom Fairy Godmother

k, we’ve got our pole dancer, but what about cakes?

56> fan-unicorn

what about a meme cake?

60> Anonymous

what about like… caw caw mf????? i guess if he likes birds????

64> Fandom Fairy Godmother

hoot hoot mf? sure! Ill take what i can get. 

65> Fandom Fairy Godmother

btw, my friends are all behind my computer taking notes. thanks children!!

69> Anonymous

Mom ™ has treated me better in these ten minutes than my parents have ever in my 17 year old lifetime

72> Anonymous

GET BALLOONS FILLED WITH SPRINKLES

75> fan-unicorn

@72 Anonymous YES I WANT PLEASE AKJDLSDFSKJL

76> Anonymous

JKSADLKJFADLSKJADLSF

78> the cia

AKJLSFADLKJDLKSJFA

85> crap ramen is my life

jumping on the bandwagon i guess, here goes: DLKSJFAAKJFDLSAKJFL;D

86> Anonymous

@crap ramen is my life first time keyboard smashing? no worries, you’re doing great. ASFDKJLDSJFALKKJLSFADDSFA

90> Anonymous

@Fandom Fairy Godmother this time, leave a trail of something he likes leading to the spot.

97> Fandom Fairy Godmother

trail of volleyballs? nice touch, anon. thanks everyone!! you’ve all been a great big help in this party, he’ll love it!!

**Fandom Fairy Godmother** has logged off

100> the cia

but guys

102> the cia

this basically confirms that Mom ™ is oikawa, right?

103> fan-unicorn

yup. from sources i have gathered, the person in the wiggle vid is someone by the name of Kuroo Tetsurou and he runs his own dance studio

106> Anonymous

@fan-unicorn buT IS HE TAKEN???

108> fan-unicorn

i think hes dating this CEO

**god-of-destruction** has logged on

114> god-of-destruction

yo waddup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeehaw my dudes. which haikyuu character would you like as a pole dancer at your bday party? I'd like kiyoko. the woman can step on me. :D


	5. "the party where nobody is dead... yet" pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi so kuroo is a stripper now bye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I have posted in what? I don't even know. So I'm not dead... I just had really weird writer's block. Again, I apologise. This chapter is really short but I will post part two soon. Hope quarantine is treating you guys well!

Bokuto Koutarou: The Chat

OP: cat_hair_don’t_care

Subject: I’ve been hired to be a pole dancer at a birthday party.

I need songs to dance to. Only got two. For some reason I’m pretty stumped right now. Even tho most of the stuff on my playlist is not something I wanna show my mom.

1> Anonymous

sexyback?

3> cat_hair_don’t_care

great minds think alike ;) already on there

5> Anonymous

k just for reference, you a guy or girl??

6> cat_hair_don’t_care

lol guy but gimme alll those rihanna songs 

10> fan-unicorn

ha u wanna be tom holland?

13> cat_hair_don’t_care

HELL YES I WANNA BE TOM HOLLAND

15> Anonymous

done. Umbrella by queen riri herself.

16> crap ramen is my life

op, if youre accepting badass girl songs: woman by kesha. absolute gold

19> Anonymous

^^^ mmm @crap ramen is my life yesss 

23> Anonymous

the crush song by issa twaimz even better if you have a few rainbow sheep in ur crowd

24> Anonymous

buuut if u DO do the crush song, youll prolly have to do some meme jumping

24> cat_hair_don’t_care

@Anonymous23 honestly who isn’t gay in my crowd? and @Anonymous24 i gotchu

25> puzzle potato

I recommend “Talk Dirty” by Jason Derulo. Please do it in heels.

27> cat_hair_don’t_care

@puzzle potato omlordd YOU SAW THAT??? asdjkkljd fine. and GASP talk dirty just came on my playlist. r u a PSYCHIC?

29> Anonymous

dammit i was gonna tell op bout that one

33> Anonymous

ooooo worth it- fifth harmony

34> cat_hair_don’t_care

yeaaa

37> the cia

s&m by rihanna

38> Anonymous

BOIII i didnt expect that from @the cia

40> the cia

bitch, please, we’re not the fcking fbi

41> fan-unicorn

LMFAOOOOOO

45> Anonymous

Hey mama by david guetta and nicki minaj bebe rexha n afrojack

46> Anonymous

@Anonymous45 is that enough singers ya think?

47> cat_hair_don’t_care

@Anonymous46 lol of course not but yea ill take it ;)

49> Anonymous

mmm whaddabout candy shop by 50 cent???

53> cat_hair_don’t_care

👍👍👍

55> kold aid

ok hecc this. y the frick has nobody mentioned the ABSOLUTE BOP that is HIPS DON’T LIE??

57> Anonymous

LOLOLOLOL TRUE THOOO

58> kold aid

@cat_hair_don’t_care am i right

63> cat_hair_don’t_care

@kold aid. yES. 

67> cat_hair_don’t_care

cool. i think this wraps it up. thanks for helping!

Kuroo logged off of the forums as Kenma finished adding songs to the Spotify list. Nobody wanted this playlist to be on their account, so Kenma just casually hacked into Bokuto’s beforehand. Of course he also stopped Bokuto from logging into his account as well. 

Kuroo slid out of his spinny chair and slinked on over to the stripper pole he had bought recently. It was removable, because he figured he might not want that thing in his house forever. Though, it did provide a good workout, and he decided he wasn’t getting enough exercise even with his dancing career. 

Placing a leg on the cool metal and flipping his hair towards Kenma, Kuroo smirked.

“You gonna stay and watch the show?”

Kenma nodded, expressionless. Nothing out of the ordinary, he guessed. But what Kuroo  _ didn’t _ know was that Kenma’s ears were pretty much beet red. Kenma was so glad he decided to keep his hair down today. 

Looking down from his boyfriend, who was starting to take off his Nekoma sweatshirt in exchange for an extremely loose tank top, Kenma pressed shuffle. “Sexyback” came on, and Kuroo looked very pleased. 

About two songs in, Kuroo was starting to really get into it. Kenma was just watching from the sidelines, suggesting certain moves that might look good. He had no idea his boyfriend was so scandalous! But then again, it was Kuroo who was actually dancing with the stripper pole. 

Over the last few weeks, give or take, incognito mode had been opened up frequently. How else was he supposed to learn how to pole dance without his FBI agent judging him? Being a professional dancer already, he was fairly flexible. But pole dancing also required having upper body strength. So Kuroo had been working on his upper body to get that upside down pose. And thankfully now, the night before his grand entrance, he had mastered it. 

That’s… that’s how he ended up making out with Kenma, upside down, in the middle of “Worth It”. No one was complaining, obviously. 

“Am I worth it?” Kuroo asked, panting as he came down from the pole.

“So worth it,” Kenma snuggled into the crook of his neck as the two of them went crashing down into the couch. A text from Daichi interrupted them from actually cuddling. 

It read:  _ You ready for plan B?  _

There was no plan A, mind you. The B just stood for “Bokuto” and probably “Birthday”, too. 

_ hell yeah _ , Kuroo typed back,  _ what time again? _

_ 1:00 am on the dot. Tell Kenma to try his best to stay awake. _

_ Gotcha. _

oOoOo

Oikawa yawned and leaned on Iwaizumi as they walked towards the meetup spot. Iwaizumi smacked him in the face to wake him up. The Trash King wasn’t going to if he asked nicely. And even though this should’ve been routine for Oikawa, Iwaizumi soon found him pouting. 

“So mean, Iwa-chan!” he whined.

The other didn’t reply, just grabbed his hand and yanked him forward. They were only a couple meters away, now. Daichi and Suga greeted them, hands full of balloons. Inside the balloons were sprinkles. Oikawa smiled happily at the weird idea Bo’s fans had given them. The plan was for Hinata and Kageyama to wake Bokuto up by popping the balloons in front of his apartment, creating a trail of sprinkles, and then run away. Not before laying a decently spaced out trail of volleyballs leading to the bar where all this mayhem was taking place. Just then, he got a text from Kuroo. Right on schedule. 

**cat man**

_ Kenma & i r moving teh pole to kyotani’s bar _

_ Wait until the othrs see wut im wearing goddamn oiks u have intresting things in the back of ur closet _

**You**

_ thanks babe (◔◡◔✿) _

Oikawa and Iwaizumi just had to sit back and drive to Kyotani’s. And if they snuck out during Kuroo’s… performance to go make out in the back it was nobody’s business. 

He looked up to Suga motioning Hinata and Kageyama to go in three… two… one! Everyone dispersed, rushing into their cars as the freak duo competed to see who could get to Bokuto’s floor and room the fastest. The only people who knew the score anymore were them and Kiyoko. Because that girl had the memory of a supercomputer. Oikawa respected that. 

They pulled up at the bar, all shut off and looking completely deserted. The inside was  _ very  _ different. Streamers hung off the walls like rainbow waterfalls. Yamaguchi was putting the final touches on the massive triple-layered cake that was in the corner of the room. Yes, it had “hoot, hoot, MOTHERFUCKER” on it. And the frosting was brandy butter colored Fukurodani black and gold. If Bokuto didn’t like it, he was lying, and that idiot was almost as bad at lying as Hinata. 

Kenma needed a lot of help to set up the stripper pole, so Daichi and Iwaizumi were called in. Kyotani was turning on all the speakers that were necessary for this whole disaster. 

Then, the signal came. A bunch of yelling from somewhere far away enough for them to hide. As Hinata, Kageyama, and Bokuto stumbled in, the duo got double headlocked by their owl-ish senpai. But the smug look on the highschool ace’s face disappeared as soon as the lights flickered on one at a time, all of them jumping out and screaming, “Happy birthday Bokuto!”.

He burst into tears. Akaashi just rolled his eyes.

“You big moron. Stop crying, you need to see through the tears soon.”

Taking the tissues from Akaashi, Bokuto sniffed. “What do you mean?”

Once that terrible squealing audio feedback hit their ears, everyone got excited. The speakers had finally turned on. 

The lights dimmed as a spotlight landed on the stripper pole. Kuroo’s body curled around it like what can only be described as a sly cat. 

“Hey Bo,” he wiggled his fingers at the birthday boy as the said person’s jaw dropped. Kuroo was wearing… not much actually. His arms were covered with red silk gloves, with matching shorts. A silk bow, also red, was fastened around his neck. 

“Jesus. I mean, dude, I have a boyfriend!” said Bokuto.

Kuroo chuckled. “Me too. Let’s just do this and get wasted. Don’t try to think about it too much.” 

And with that, “Hey Mama” started to play on the speakers. Bokuto was handed a drink as Kuroo started to do his thing. He was suddenly so thirsty. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, loves. I'd really appreciated it if you left me, say a comment or kudos. Bye!


	6. "the party where nobody is dead...yet" pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it continues...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE Y'ALL SO MUCH! Shout out to DramaQueenWeeb1469 for commenting on EVERY. SINGLE. CHAPTER. I just- adsfljkasfdlkj??? Like??? Thank you so hecking much??? That many comments is a dream??? And thanks to everyone else who also kudosed and commented. So grateful my dudes. Enjoy this mess. -Happy

So… after about a full half hour of Bokuto having impure thoughts about his best friend, he finally looked back at his boyfriend. He seemed to also have been _enjoying_ this whole fiasco. Actually, as Bokuto looked around the room, everyone seemed to have been _so very_ _enlightened_ by what just happened. 

The last song had stopped playing, and the room was basically silent. Kuroo was panting and furiously wiping sweat off of his forehead. Pro tip: When people are trying to access a situation like this and trying to clear the fog in their heads, do not (please, please, please) do **NOT** _lick your goddamn lips_ and sashay down to the ground. 

It was Tsukishima who took the first big sip of alcohol. Everyone else copied his action. 

Kyotani coughed into his microphone. “Okay, everybody. Who’s ready to get blackout drunk and end up hating themselves tomorrow?”

The room erupted into cheers. 

In a flash, loud techno music began blasting through the speakers as the lights turned rainbow colored and danced across the room. Those who had them grabbed their respective partners, while the single pringles mingled in isolated groups. 

Approximately an hour into the party, Kyotani turned the music down and got everybody’s attention. 

“Who wants to exchange their fucking gifts?”

* * *

Bokuto got a lot of stuff in not a lot of time. Boxes, bags, cards, and balls were thrown in his face. Get your mind out of the gutter. They were volleyballs. Hinata gives the same gift to all his volleyball friends for all their birthdays. Each of the balls are different and special in subtle ways, so it makes Hinata proud of them. Kageyama does the same thing. And every. Single. Year. They’re surprised about it. They even live together! How does that happen? 

_Whatever,_ thought Bokuto. _I always keep both anyway._ He smiled at the two and put them in matching headlocks. And as much as they protested, they didn’t really hate it. 

Other than the two volleyballs, he also got a few stuffed animals from a few different people. Some of them were owls, both big and small. The one Yachi got him was a keychain for his phone. And no matter what, all the owls were great horned owls. Yes, Bokuto retained his ridiculously extra hairstyle even though Akaashi _heavily_ tried to convince him otherwise. One of the stuffed animals was a body pillow of himself. 

He shot a playful glare at Oikawa as the other just winked and stuck out his tongue. There was a slight, very slight, chance that Bokuto actually thought the design was okay. (He loved it). Iwaizumi apologised for Oikawa’s gift, even though his was a list of how much yen Bo still owed the guy for favors. There were three thousand yen worth of paper money taped to the back of the list, so they were even. 

Yamaguchi’s present was the monster of a cake sitting in the back, but being the absolute angel he is, he got Bokuto a twenty dollar gift card as well. Tsukishima bought him a set of wireless headphones in a poorly wrapped bag with a card that said: “You’re Welcome I Cared”. Typical. 

Kuroo got him a pair black platform heels because fuck gender roles. They gave the already tall Bokuto an extra ten centimeters (3.93 inches)! The zipper was a bright gold with a rhinestone slider. He put them on almost immediately and was overjoyed when they went up all the way just until right above his knees. He was wearing these babies for the rest of tonight! 

“We can match,” said Kuroo as he pulled out his own pair of white platforms. 

“OH MY GOD. HELL YES MY DUDE!”

Trying to convince Kyotani to play the can-can was hard, but trying to do the can-can on platforms was harder. Both their respective boyfriends were holding them up, doing their best to avoid trips to the emergency room. 

As the alcohol continued to flood their systems, Kyotani ditched the DJ booth, opting to go dance with Oikawa and Iwaizumi. That meant that Tanaka and Nishinoya went to raid it. The Wii theme began playing. And nobody stopped them. That was the only song playing for a straight hour. Then they moved on to Kahoot music, Crab Rave, All Star, and Old Town Road. Those two were never good at English in school, so the ever loving frick did they know all the English lyrics to the meme songs? Well, it wasn’t like Bokuto was any different. 

Then, shit hit the fan. It was time to cut the cake. 

This thing was massive, and only responsible adults were allowed to hold the knife. Which ruled out most of the people at this party. 

“Don’t drop it Daichi!” called Suga from down below. The sugary dessert was so tall that a small stool had to be brought out. Yamaguchi did a really nice job. When Daichi sliced a chunk of the cake out, he put a big candle in it and lit it all up. For the upteenth time that night, the lights went out. The singing started.

Every single person in that room (excluding Yachi and Kiyoko) were jocks with no musical experience whatsoever (well… Kuroo’s a dancer now… but he still can’t sing) so of course it wasn’t the best happy birthday ever. The cake was sooo worth it though. Bokuto’s hangover was gonna be a bitch, and his eardrums were bleeding, but it was whatever. This cake though… Bokuto never used the phrase “died and gone to heaven” because his sinful, gay soul was never going to end up there. But if he did, then that’s how he’d describe this cake. Man, if only Akaashi hadn’t banned him from the kitchen, he might ask Yamaguchi to bake with him at his house. 

Sadly, the night had to end. That’s just how time works, unfortunately. With so many people, they scarfed down a good portion of the cake, but there was no way they could’ve actually finished it. So everyone was given a bit to take home. That was good news for Bokuto. He probably wouldn’t be sick of it tomorrow. Probably. Ehhh, hopefully. 

* * *

The next day, the cake wasn’t touched. But a lot of pain killers were ingested and lots of cuddles were given out. Shh, don’t let people know that Akaashi’s an actual leech! And when the whole “trying to sleep the pain away” didn’t work, but only helped a teensy weensy little bit, he opened up the pro volleyball player forums. Ooh, let’s look at Hinata’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (*cough*Hinata'sforumsmightbenext*cough* whaaat?) Do I say thank you on every chapter? Yes. Do I mean it? OF FUDGING COURSE! Sorry bout all the captions in my notes lol. I'll see you whenever I decide to update. I'm not sure when I'll have time, but because of quarantine they'll most likely be out sooner than ya think! Bye loves, have a great rest of your existence outside of this fic! -Happy :D


	7. kagehina fluff (that's it. that's the chapter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> read the title

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I wanted to update on 4/20 but like... I like to get chapters out as quick as possible. By the way, some of this chapter was inspired by a video by ColeyDoesThings called "popular ship dynamics" it's hilarious and everyone should watch it. Anyways, enjoy you little gremlins! -Happy :D

**Hinata Shouyou: The Chat**

  
  


**OP: Anonymous**

**Subject: I’m not a hardcore volleyball fan, but Hinata Shouyou’s personality is so fun and cheerful that it instantly sucked me in. Also, I am wondering about his relationship status with one Kageyama Tobio. They’re together, right?**

1> Anonymous

oof.their not, srry

2> puzzle potato

A lot of things in life could always be gayer, my friend. This is one of those things.

3> OP

That is unfortunate, they obviously have some kind of chemistry, though. 

5> Anonymous

honestly? im not really that into shipping n stuff but i get it

6> crap ramen is my life

dumbass 1 + dumbass 2 = gay

7> fan-unicorn

i love that troupe lmao

10> Anonymous

yes, but have you considerred : 

“i’m gonna do a backflip while bungee jumping!!” + “what an idiot. ah, shit, that’s my idiot” = gay

12> Anonymous

@Anonymous 10 do you mean bokuto-san x his bf???

13> Y M C A

so glad theyre public now! adorable dorks

15> the cia

has anyone considered oikawa-san x his secret bf is: hot damn + dork = gay?

18> Anonymous

NAHHH i can’t see that. maybe their dynamic is more like: hot nerd (oikawa-san) + bad boy (secret bf) = gay?? cuz have u SEEN oikawa-san in his glasses? MY **[redacted]** EXPLODED

21> puzzle potato

I have a slight feeling that Oikawa-san and his secret boyfriend are actually: egotistical little shit + done = gay

22> Anonymous

GUYSSSSS this is the Hinata forums not the oikawa x secret bf forums!!! go over there if ya wanna takl bout them

25> Anonymous

but like,,, did yall see hina’s latest livestream thoooo???

26> OP

I was not aware that Hinata _did_ livestreams. Please elaborate.

29> crap ramen is my life

so last night hinata did a livestream, but both of his hands were occupied. one of them was holding the camera so we knew what that one was doing…. but the other one seemed to be stroking something

31> fan-unicorn

@crap ramen is my life ...or someone(‘s hair)

32> Anonymous

@OP we’re basically praying that it’s kags

34> Anonymous

while i was watching it, i got a glance of the hair color: DEFINITELY BLACK BOIS

35> the cia

ADFLKADLKSJFKLJAFLKJ YES

38> OP

Thank you for sharing this information. Where can I find his streams?

42> Anonymous

he uses www.randomstreamingwebsite.com i think

43> Y M C A

his user is giant_crow_kun btw

45> OP

Thank you both very much, I appreciate it. 

  
  
  


www.randomstreamingwebsite.com

  
  


11:43 pm

Streamer: **giant_crow_kun**

Watchers: **12.4K**

Hinata is sitting at his dinner table, and his viewers can make out the dish he’s eating: Meat buns. He laughs when he sees some people comment how it’s not healthy.

“I know that, sillys! I’m not just having meat buns for dinner! My… friend made it for us a couple hours ago. This is a snack.”

Some people ask who his friend is.

“Oh, he’s my roommate.”

Then there’s a stream of questions of how they know each other, how did they meet, and do they play volleyball too?

“Whoa! The questions just hit my screen like _BOOM_!”

A voice from the other side of the table says something, but it’s muffled by the food in his mouth. It went something like, “Sh...p...dum...ss…”. 

There were some comments about how he was gross for talking with his mouth full. Hinata chuckled and agreed with them. Swallowing his bite of meat bun, he started to answer some questions about his roommate. 

“Well, first of all, he’s kind of rude at times, but he’s much better than when we first met. We first met back in highschool. Which highschool? Karasuno, of course! He was on the same team as me, but I’m gonna tell you what he looks like!”

It was quiet for a little bit, as the comments kept begging for one piece of information about this mysterious roommate, until Hinata finally said, “He’s tall, okay? Now stop asking!”

The voice from the other side said something again. 

“I’m not that short, you’re just a beanstalk!” yelled Hinata, the comment obviously about his height. “Okay guys, it’s official, I hate my roommate and I’m kicking him out!” 

The camera was suddenly knocked out of Hinata’s hand and it fell to the ground. A couple of feet and some chair legs were visible, and the audio in the background was someone screaming.

“STOP IT! STOP IT!” It was clearly Hinata. But through all of the screaming, there was also lots of laughter. The camera was eventually picked up again, and his viewers could see that there were tears in the corners of his eyes. Hinata wheezed before completely calming down.

“Ugh, he’s so annoying. But he gives good hugs. I have no idea where he learned it from because the dude is more socially awkward than a crippled duck.”

The voice finally became clear when it said, “You look like a crippled duck, Shouyou.” Then there was a sound. It came from the top of Hinata’s head where it wasn’t visible on the screen. The sound was squelchy, almost. It actually sounded like… a kiss? No, that wasn’t possible. 

The comments went wild. “ _Are you gay?_ ” They asked. “ _Are you dating him?_ ” They also asked. Hinata ignored them. But the question “ _Is he hot?_ ” got a response. Hinata didn’t read it aloud, but blushed hard and nodded harder. Then, the comment “ _congrats to_ X _years shouyou!!_ ” made him smile, and he thanked Suga via text. 

“Okay guys, enough with the stupid questions already! I’m headed to bed and I better not wake up to the internet exploding in my face!” Hinata said, shaking a finger at the camera when he said the last part. 

Turning the stream off, he sighed and made grabby arms at Kageyama.

Being carried to bed is way less humiliating when nobody’s around to see.

And yes, he did wake up to the internet exploding in his face. He decided to power off his phone for the day. Kageyama was making breakfast today, so he had much bigger issues to worry about. Yeah, you hear that? That was one category in which his boyfriend was a bigger mess. Thank goodness for Mom.

* * *

Bokuto scrolled through the Hinata Shouyou: The Chat with a look on his face that screamed trouble. Akaashi looked over and sighed. His boyfriend was actually really good at starting ship wars. Like, scary good. And the only time he ever analyzed things was when he wanted to win one of those ship wars. He rooted for the couple that he actually _knew_ weren’t together. Why was the pairing of Oikawa and Hinata a thing anyway? Letting out the second sigh in two minutes, Akaashi focused his attention back to making trashy coffee. 

**Hinata Shouyou: The Chat**

  
  


**OP** : **Anonymous**

 **Subject** : **anyone here that reckons (if kags and hina r dating) that lil hina’s way too good for that loser???**

1> Anonymous

fuck you

3> Anonymous

meeeee

Bokuto cackled. Today was gonna be a good d—OW! Let him rephrase that. Today was going to be a good day, unless his headache didn’t go away. Ugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THAAANKS FOR READINGGG love u guys! -Happy :DDDD


	8. new mods are assigned and the group chat comes back!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im a genius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hEy hEy hEy!! How are you guys today? I hope you're doing well. anyways, I'm sorry to announce that I might end the fic next chapter. Idk, guys, it's hard to get inspired rn because I have so many fandoms and so many other fic ideas, so... Thank you all for following me through this, but I'm pretty sure that the next chapter will be the last. :( -Happy

**Kageyama Tobio: The Chat**

**OP: Anonymous**

**Subject: lmaooooo who thiks that we should meet up smewhere and colectivly go stallk tobio-kun?????**

1> Anonymous

ummmm

2> fan-unicorn

no.

4> crap ramen is my life

wtf dude

7> Anonymous

omg omg omg!! <3 yessssss

8> Anonymous

OP YOU’rE A GeNIOUS!!1!!1!111!

11> Anonymous

are those anons for real rn??

13> the cia

i am more concerned than usual. which is saying something.

14> kags_official_gf_OWO

fina ll y! somone wth a GOOD ideaa!

16> crap ramen is my life

tf?? i thought @kags_offical_gf_OWO got banned???

17> puzzle potato

She unfortunately seems to have made another account. Thus, bringing her back.

19> Anonymous

idk what some of y’all r sayin OP’s idea is legit

23> Anonymous

why does it have to be a MEET UP tho??? i wanna stalk him by myselvvvvv

24> kags_official_gf_OWO

yea!!! i propoose a compitishon!1 who ever gets to kags chan 1 st can keep him

26> puzzle potato

@kags_official_gf_OWO Don’t hurt yourself by using big girl words.

28> the cia

@puzzle potato I love u

31> Anonymous

can every1 shut the up>

33> Anonymous

pffft nooooo 

34> Anonymous

@Anonymous 33 y

37> Anonymous

@Anonymous 34 cuz wen u get the chance to kiddnapp kageyam a tobio width ppl hoo get u……. u dont wanna shut up

38> crap ramen is my life

i hate these forums, but i cant get myself to log off smh

40> Anonymous

@crap ramen is my life same. they make me wanna die but like,,, drama?? yes pls

42> Anonymous

i want Mom ™ 

**OP** has banned  **5 Anons** and  **kags_official_gf_OWO** from  **Kageyama Tobio: The Chat**

**OP** has logged off of  **Kageyama Tobio: The Chat**

**Fandom Fairy Godmother** has logged on

47> Fandom Fairy Godmother

sorry babies, i needed to bait the hoes

49> the cia

gasp. it’s god.

50> fan-unicorn

y-you’re so… GOOD TO US!! ╥﹏╥ THANK YOU!!

53> Fandom Fairy Godmother

@fan-unicorn awww, you’re adorable and you’re welcome  (◕ ω ◕✿)

54> Fandom Fairy Godmother

blocking people all by myself is hard

55> Fandom Fairy Godmother

i need other mods

57> crap ramen is my life

I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE

58> puzzle potato

I, aswell, would like to become a moderator.

60> the cia

psst. im literally the cia

61> fan-unicorn

? please? it’s my birthday??

62> Anonymous

@fan-unicorn is it rlly?

64> fan-unicorn

ahahahahahahahaha no

65> Anonymous

new mods are a great idea 

67> Anonymous

yeah, i trust Mom ™ and all but she’s not here all the time :’( 

69> Fandom Fairy Godmother

@Anonymous 67 I know… i’m sorry  (◕д◕✿)

70> Fanodm Fairy Godmother

and that’s why im doing this!!  ♡(◕ᗜ◕✿)

**Fandom Fairy Godmother** made  **crap ramen is my life** ,  **puzzle potato** ,  **fan-unicorn** , and  **the cia** moderators.

75> Fandom Fairy Godmother

Happy Not-Birthday, @fan-unicorn!!  (◕ ꒳ ◕✿)

77> Anonymous

ew is @Fandom Fairy Godmother gay? evry1 is calling this dude “mom’ but i think its just a f **[this is a banned word]**

79> Fandom Fairy Godmother

@Anonymous 77  +ﾟ*｡:ﾟ+凸(◕‿◕✿)+ﾟ*｡:ﾟ+

Fandom Fairy Godmother has banned  **1 anon** from entering  **Kageyama Tobio: The Chat**

82> Fandom Fairy Godmother

anddd that’s about enough bigotry i can handle for one day, thank you very much. bye babes!!  (◠‿◠✿)

**Fandom Fairy Godmother** has logged off of  **Kageyama Tobio: The Chat**

88> Anonymous

we have the Best Mom ™

**[everyone liked that]**

* * *

**shittykawa’s weird side job**

**owl thot** : anyone who even THINKS about stalking tobio can go choke

**tobio** : Thank you… I think.

**good one** : who did what.

**tired crow dad** : um suga, it might not be that big of a deal… calm down, ok?

**good one** : daichi, stfu

**good one** : bokuto, screenshots. now.

**owl thot** : **[4 screenshots have been sent]**

**tobio** : I don’t understand why people would want to kidnap me. I’m really heavy.

**chibi** : dumbass

**chibi** : don’t joke like that

**good one** : send me a link to the website

**tired crow dad** : NO

**owl thot** : **[a link has been sent]**

**tired crow dad** : WHY

**owl thot** : uhhh do YOU want to face the consequences of not listening to suga??

**tired crow dad** : …

**owl thot** : didn’t think so, dai

**good one** : kenma

**video game bitch** : yes?

**good one** : do you have any hacking experience

**video game bitch** : …

**video game bitch** : yes, actually

**chibi** : WHAAAAAAAT??

**chibi** : KENMA

**chibi** : Y DIDN’T U TELL ME THIS

**video game bitch** : it never came up

**chibi** : AHHHH THIS COULD VE MADE SCHOOL SO MUCH EASIER

**video game bitch** : i wouldn’t have helped you cheat, shouyou

**chibi** :  b(╥﹏╥)

**good one** : a n y w a y s 

**good one** : help me erase those anons from the internet

**video game bitch** : which ones

**good one: oikawa**. get over here.

**trashking** : hiiii suga  (ᅌ ˇ ᅌ✿)

**trashking** : pls don’t kill me im too pretty to die

**Iwaizumi** : false

**cat hoe** : false

**trashking** :  凸 (≖ Δ ≖ ✿)

**good one** : everyone shut up

**good one** : oikawa, use the sketch tool and highlight the anons that we need

**good one** : and don’t highlight the same one twice

**good one** : also highlight that girl that’s obsessed with tobio

**trashking** : **[4 edited screenshots have been sent]**

**good one** : good, so it's not that many

**good one** : kenma, can you log on to that website and see oikawa’s blocked list?

**video game bitch** : done

**good one** : is there anyway to find out their locations?

**video game bitch** : gimme one sec

**video game bitch** : ok so

**video game bitch** : most of them had their location on, except for that kageyama obsessed girl

**trashking** : i hate how she’s slightly smarter than i expected

**video game bitch** : so yea, i have all the anon’s locations

**good one** : daichi

**tired crow dad** : yep?

**good one** : how close is the police station to the post office?

tired crow dad: uhh

**tired crow dad** : Like a 10 min walk or a 3 min drive i think

**good one** : ok babe, listen up

**good one** : get out some paper, envelopes, and a pen. im gonna type what i want to say to these anons

**good one** : every single one is going to get the same note, k?

**tired crow dad** : on it

**good one** : here goes

**good one** : Kageyama Tobio is his own person, with his own rights. You should not even THINK about harassing him or any other celebrity, for that matter. And don’t take this letter as a joke. Remember, this means that I know where you live now. So be careful. Sincerely, God.

**owl thot** : PFFFT WAIT, REALLY??

**owl thot** : GOD??

**good one** : I need to scare them

**good one** : or smite them down

**good one** : preferably the second one

**good one** : yes… that would be nice

**tobio** : Thank you, Suga-san.

**tobio** : You caring so much about my safety means a lot to me.

**good one** : youre welcome tobio :D

**tobio** : But also please don’t hurt me.

**good one** : :)))

**video game bitch** : i found that kags grl on insta

**video game bitch** : and i have her address now

**good one** : daichi, get ready to write another one

**tired crow dad** : yessir

* * *

  
  


(And if Suzuki Chihiro [kags_official_gf_OWO] got a letter the next day that was basically a death threat written in what appeared to be blood… nobody was to question it.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so smart, wrapping things up from how it started in the beginning. By the way... have you noticed that there's a new co-creator? That's actually me! Up until this point, I've had a shared account with Stironstep for a few months, but now I have my own thing! The only fic on there is this one, but I'll get it up and running soon enough. I'm still using the internet name Happy, btw. But let's stop with my rambling. Hope you enjoy reading this chapter!


	9. stan twitter and drunk twitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the final chapter :'(  
> (warning for overuse of bold text)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GEEZ! It's been a minute, huh? So sorry for the wait, but here's the final chapter! I'm sad but at the same time relieved because I know nine chapters is my limit for this. Self-care is important, remember that! Enjoy this read in the meantime! -Happy :D

**[Oikawa Tooru Reads Thirst Tweets**

**Buzzfeed Celeb**

**54K views]**

  
  


**Oikawa** : Hey, I’m Oikawa Tooru, and today I’ll be reading your thirst tweets!

( **volley_my_balls** )

if i can get anyone to murder me i want it to be @oikawa tooru like ugh set me into the sun

**Oikawa** : That’s pretty good for the first one. Not as thirsty as I expected but good enough.

( **Angrily Exists** )

don't think i WON’T spend a ridiculous amount of money on a life sized wax sculpture of @ **OikawaTOfficial** and make out with it/get off to it

**Oikawa** : Do what makes you happy (smiles). But a little heads up, wax tastes bad.

( **puzzle potato** )

Please explain to me why Oikawa-san _can't_ f*** me until all of my limbs fall asleep, because I can't think of a reason.

**Oikawa** : (laughs) Now _this_ is what I was looking forward to reading. And I'll explain to you why, because I have two-um, sorry- a boyfriend who I love very much. But I promise there is someone out there who will do all of that for you. (winks) But for now, enjoy being single, babe!

( **MrBush** )

i have wet dreams about one (1) @ **OikawaTOfficial** on a weekly basis so even my f***ing hormones are dedicated to this gorgeous man

**Oikawa** : Ooh that's creative! Well done!

( **trash-for-tooru** )

i have no other social media except for this one where i constantly am outrageously horny over oikawa

**Oikawa** : I love dedicated fans, so thank you very much!

( **fan-unicorn** )

so about the fandom fairy godmother=oikawa tooru theory,, i believe in it but even if i'm wrong my bisexual ass is still thirsting over both of them lmao

**Oikawa** : To all of you wondering, yes, I have heard of this theory and I don’t have much of an opinion on it. Now, thanks baby! I really appreciate people giving my attractiveness the recognition it deserves, by the way. 

( **crap ramen is my life** )

oikawa tooru is the man we all need but don’t deserve. pls crush my skull with your thighs

**Oikawa** : No, babe. You need your brain to live. Haven’t these people been taught anything? (laughs)

( **saladsXD** )

oikawa tooru? more like let me lick sour cream and onions off of your body plese

**Oikawa** : Sorry, I don’t really like to get food on myself. And spit is kind of disgusting.

( **the cia** )

the only reason we have beef with the fbi is bc they run a kageyama tobio stan account. @ **OikawaTOfficial** stans onlys. kageyama stans don’t interact

**Oikawa** : Aww, please keep pledging your loyalty to me, babes. It’s something I can rub into my friend’s faces.

( **Y M C A** )

@ **OikawaTOfficial** can muder me any time he wants send tweet

**Oikawa** : You guys know that I want to set some records really badly, but a criminal record is not one of them.

**Oikawa** : Okay, last one guys!

( **LILO_NO_STITCH** )

tie me up @ **OikawaTOfficial** and pour red wine into my mouth and drink it from my mouth

**Oikawa** : And that’s enough stan twitter for one day, don’t you think? Thank you, Buzzfeed for giving me the chance to do this interview! Until next time!

  
  


**(Comments 1,732)**

**TJ Max**

um???? oikawa-san has **2** bfs now??? wtf???

**error404**

idk who this guy is, but im a fan

**himiko423**

this is funny bc i wrote some of those lol

**Y M C A**

yes. i would die for this man. yes

Replies: 4

**loligorlxoxo**

duh (¬_¬)

**mrStealurGirl**

i dont understan d how ppl can like this dude. hes so gay n disgusting

**Y M C A**

@ **mrStealurGirl** Um… who, exactly, asked?

**mrStealurGirl**

shutup fujoshi

**puzzle potato_101**

The person who tweeted about the Fandom Fairy Godmother theory is now my soulmate. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

**bubblegum bitch**

that’s my husband, thots

Replies: 7

**beary-beary-extraordinary**

nuuuu T-T u cant have himmm

**oikawa’s property**

He’s mine, loser. Can’t u read my user??

**Emi.exe**

@ **oikawa’s property** that rhymed lmao

**oikawa’s property**

@ **Emi.exe** stfu slut

**puzzle potato_101**

@ **oikawa’s property** I am not responsible for your actions on the internet, but just a reminder that words can sometimes be more hurtful than physical attacks. Please be aware of what you say at all times.

**oikawa’s property**

@ **puzzle potato_101** can’t you fucking see that i don’t fucking care?? go kys

* * *

Bonus: 

[ https://www.twitter.com ](https://www.twitter.com)

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

**@KTetsurouOfficial**

1.7M Followers

>Tweets Tweets & replies Media Likes

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

**@KTetsurouOfficial**

3 days ago

Hey guys! How’s your day going? I hope it’s good! Go Wild! Studios are going to be streaming this afternoon at 5:00 pm and our new choreography video is predicted to be released next Wednesday, so look forward to that! Have a good day!

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

**@KTetsurouOfficial**

11 hrs ago

Akdlsjdkldas hahah my bf **@BouncingBallCorpCEO** tol d mee nt to do ths but he s not the boss of me!!11!1 so yea…….. We are gae n stuff

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

**@KTetsurouOfficial**

3 hrs ago

I’m deleting my account.

**Oikawa Tooru**

**@OikawaTOfficial**

**Replying to @KTetsurouOfficia** l

Awww, don’t do that! We only do deletes and cleans on Sundays, remember? (◕ ω ◕✿)

**Kuroo Tetsurou**

**@KTetsurouOfficial**

**Replying to @OikawaTOfficial**

Go Die ™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH! You have finally reached the end of this story. If you've been here since the beginning, I am so sorry for the weird hiatus in the middle, but here we are now. Another multi-chaptered fanfic is done. Enjoy the crack and memes, and so long guys, gals, and non-binary pals! (HAVE YOU WATCHED THE LATEST SANDERS SIDES EPISODE?? JANUS MY BABEY!) haha anyways... Love you all and please comment or else I will melt into a puddle of author sadness. -Happy :D

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Sorry for the... y'know. If you clicked it. :D Have a nice rest of your night/day/afternoon/time doesn't exist! -Happy
> 
> (btw check out our Tumblr here


End file.
